Turtle Women Rising » Womens Interests

The Circle of Old Friendships – Rekindling the Sisterhood of Girlfriends

admin — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 19:48:21 +0000

Recently, I moved back to the city where I spent my childhood, grew up, and developed into who I am today. I’ve discovered that in our formative years, we become a sum of all the influences in our lives, including our friends. For me, I learned the value of friendships, particularly girlfriends. I grew up only having brothers, and so my girlfriends filled the void of sisterhood.

My circle of gal pals from high school and I have stayed in touch over the past thirty-three years and saw each other once a year when I came back for a visit. Recently, after I got settled into my new home, I invited them over for dinner. We reminisced about times gone by, marriages, children, aging parents, our personal triumphs and struggles, and where we are today. As I quietly observed my friends, I noticed all the similarities we shared physically: We all have the few extra pounds around our waists and rear ends that all women our age complain about, we all color our hair, and we all spend vast amounts of money to look good. In fact, the 50’s among my group are looking pretty darn good.

The next time we got together, it was a perfect summer evening, and we decided to take in the sights and sounds of the city while driving in my friend’s convertible. It felt as if we were seventeen again, out cruising for a good time. This was really bliss, living now for the moment and not caring if our hair was messed and our makeup less than perfect and not looking for where the boys were hangin’ out. We were just having fun in our own skin, laughing, and doing what girlfriends do – talking, sharing, and laughing.

I’ve really come to cherish these women and all of the joy they bring to my life.

7 Lessons I Learned from Bunny

admin — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 09:18:42 +0000

It’s officially time to spring clean. Not because it’s officially spring. Heck. We got another four inches of snow dumped on us last week. And temperatures still hover in the teens. But last week’s Newsletter raised the issue and prompted an onslaught of emails in response. Moms out there who are rolling up their sleeves and attacking cabinets, closets and drawers with fury. And it was the topic of discussion at our Rocket Mom Society meeting Tuesday night…and those moms are holding each one of us accountable. I even got a phone call with a request for where to send all of that cleaned-out “fluff”! (See details below). So strategies for slaying Fluff the Magic Dragon were addressed head-on. And lively discussion followed.

Three days later, I received Bunny Williams’s new best-selling book “An Affair with a House” as a birthday gift. Talk about juxtaposition! Just when I was walking through every room of my house pondering how, exactly, I could pare down, Bunny’s two-hundred-plus page tome stared at me in the face, begging for a good read. This beautifully-illustrated book chronicles the thirty-year journey of Bunny and her antiques-dealer husband’s conversion of a century-old house into a home. Pretty incredible. Not only is every single room in “Manor House” filled with stuff, but buildings scattered though-out the compound are literally loaded to the gills, too.

Now, I certainly can’t knock Bunny. She’s obviously struck a chord with readers, as her book has catapulted to the top of best-seller lists and book clubs everywhere. Who am I to argue with success? And I can’t knock her vision or her passion, either. I love the whole vision meets passion meets courage meets energy thing in any person. But I admit to almost not buying it because of its title alone. Any book named an affair with any ‘thing’ is a fairly good clue that the value system of the author might be different than my own. And while I admit that it’s certainly better than “An Affair with a Neighbor,” for example, it’s obvious from the first word that this is someone who takes her “stuff” very seriously.

Bunny certainly has a beautiful life. She has built a beautiful world with beautiful taste and beautiful things. The fact that she has seemingly unlimited funds at her disposal as well as a head gardener (“head” implies team) as well as the absence of the pitter-pattering of little feet prompts a knee-jerk reaction of “As if….”

But there are some lessons from Bunny, and because it’s the “spring-cleaning season” and because some of us are still struggling with getting our acts together, and because you may very well hear about her book, here are seven points to ponder on “creating a beautiful life” that I gleaned from her book:

1) Take time to entertain friends and family.

Seems like Bunny has this well under control. Easier said than done when one doesn’t have small kids running underfoot. But my hat is off to anyone who is willing to open up home and hearth as freely and generously as does she. She has been blessed with abundance, filling houses and barns to overflowing, and she shares it graciously with others.

2) Take time to garden.

Even if the only space you have allocated for such is a sunny spot outside your window for container gardening, allow yourself this small indulgence. We’ve lived on our new home for two years, and have yet to design the garden of my dreams. Bunny has several carefully-planned gardens and she took her time with each one, first allowing the land to speak for itself before she settled into a grand plan for it. Give yourself the luxury of time, if that’s what you need, as I certainly do.

3) Take time to sit.

Seems like Bunny does a lot of this, too. Lemonade on the patio. Coffee on her balcony. Iced tea in the garden while listening to the birds. I admit to being a lousy sitter. And I imagine that if you’re chasing toddlers or working full-time while running a household, you may have a hard time with this, too. But I’m really going to try doing a little more of that.

4) Take time to cook.

Few things are more difficult for me than getting dinner on the table. (Stay tuned for a Rocket Mom Society meeting when Chef Silvia will share her secrets on this one!) And Bunny admits to doing none of the cooking; it’s an area taken over by her husband. So, OK, this is a dream world. But preparing meals on the weekend, especially during the spring and summer months when al fresco dining is possible, seems much more do-able, and she includes a few recipes for doing just that. Look through some of your favorite cookbooks and find a few menus that suit you and your family well, and stick to those. Or experiment freely if you prefer living a more spontaneous lifestyle.

5) Take time to edit.

Only bring those things into your home that you really like. If it doesn’t “speak to you,” sell it or give it away. Chances are, it’ll mean something to someone else and the world will be better for you having shared it.

6) Take time to grow some of your own food.

Whether it’s tomatoes or lettuce—or fresh organic eggs from your own chickens (Bunny has a chicken coop and aviary, too)—there is nothing quite like home-grown produce. A friend of mine built a chicken house for his wife; their young son tends it. They love the idea of teaching their family the cycle of life…that eggs come from chickens rather than cardboard boxes from the grocery store. Granted, this elevates conviction to a level unclaimed by most of us, but it’s an idea worth exploring. And it has certainly inspired me to at least set out some basil and tomatoes this year.

7) Take time to reflect.

While Bunny’s twelve-acre Connecticut compound is over-the-top by anyone’s description, she has certainly done a fine job of deliberating on her lifestyle. She proceeds with confidence on everything from entertaining houseguests to decorating the barn to stocking the pantry to lining up her table linens. She has taken time to reflect on the way in which she wants to infuse beauty into her everyday life, and I applaud her for that. Like creating happy childhoods for your children, beauty doesn’t just happen by chance. You have to think about it and plan for it. Granted, sometimes serendipity sneaks in. And thankfully so. But reflection is a good thing.

The success and elevation of the likes of Bunny Williams’s (and Martha Stewart’s, Rachel Ray’s and others’ for that matter) work on the homefront certainly seals the fact that women everywhere are yearning for domestic direction. Given that none of these famous folks are dealing with young children— or obvious budgetary constraints—makes it difficult for most of us rocket moms to relate. The challenge—and quite frankly, the fun!—is figuring out how to take the best ideas and translate them into realistic ones for your home and your family. A life-long process, to be sure.

And be ever-mindful that materialism is a relative concept. Remember that you are blessed beyond measure with what you have: health, family, friends, food, clothing and shelter. And that becoming your best and making the best of what has been entrusted to you should be your focus.

Build Your New Fall and Winter Wardrobe From Scratch With Just 9 Items

admin — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 17:07:49 +0000

We have been used to sexy, flirty light hearted looks all through Spring and Summer. This Autumn Winter Season, instead of the expected glamourously sexy looks we have come to expect, the fashion world decided to do something completely different. Sexy is so out. Now, romantic, genteel, ladylike styles that grandma used to wear are the hottest in thing.

That leaves us with a problem. Now our entire wardrobe is passe. What used to be sexy is now tarty. Time to rebuild your wardrobe from scratch.

Since the trend now is towards well tailored, high quality, hard to knock off clothing, aim for ladylike chic. Think of Grace Kelly. Even Lady Diana. Now what would they wear?

The look goes beyond princess like looks. It is now a cross between Cinderella and Goth. Dark, somber colors in luxurious styles, brimming with romantic details fit for that fairy tale princess, who somehow, ended up with Count Dracula.

Enough whining. Time to whip that wardrobe into shape. First, focus on quality, not quantity.

Pick 9 gorgeous pieces that are very now. These basics are all you need to rebuild your Autumn and Winter wardrobe from scratch. Prepare to look totally chic as the temperatures fall. Every piece has to be really well made. Go for the best you can afford. The look for this season is ladylike chic. The kind that demands and gets respect.

Get ready for plenty of somber black, plum, deep colors with a light touch from pink clothes to lift things a little.

Choose your color scheme. Pick 3 colors in tune with the season’s gothic romance mode. Black, plum and bright pink, or Navyblue, gray and pale pink are some ideas you could work with. Pick colors that you look your best in and which go with one another. Alternatively, try a striking combination of black, white and red.

Once you have decided on your color scheme, stick with it. That way, everything in your wardrobe goes with everything else, giving you countless looks from those few pieces.

Feel free to choose items with frills, ribbons and other romantic details as these define this season’s romantic fashion trends.

#1 1 gorgeous winter coats or a fur vest. This is going to be your main look whenever you are outdoors. The fur vest is the latest thing for this fall, winter season though. And it really dresses up everything you wear it with. Even a pair of jeans looks formal when you wear a fur vest.

#2 1 perfectly tailored women’s suits in any of your 3 chosen colors. A well tailored skirt and jacket combination that is feminine and versatile. This is something you can wear everyday. You could wear it with a blouse for work, and switch to a lacy camisole for a dinner date. You could wear the jacket and skirt (or pants if that is what you prefer) in the suit as separates.

#3 Ok. I know that feminine, loose floaty clothes are in. What with the tulip skirt and all. But seriously. Who wants to have hips that look even larger than reality? No, you still need a pair of jeans. I don’t care what the fashion magazines or designers dish out to us. Women have a right to wear clothes that flatter the real figure. What is hot, has always been hot and always will be hot is a pair of tight jeans. A pair that makes you look your very best. You wear the clothes, not the other way around.

#4 Wool tights, pantyhose or stockings. Again for warmth and class. to keep your legs warm when you wear a skirt or a dress. In autumn and winter, you need warm, practical tights especially when your legs are exposed.

#5 A romantic, floaty blouse that is so now. This time around, the look is romantic. The oversized man style shirt wouldn’t do. You need something romantic. The blouse is the new season’s must have.

#6 A beautiful dress. What could be more romantic than a dress. Dresses are hot this season, especially now that the romantic look is big. You need at least 1 blouse in your new wardrobe.

#7 A pair of boots that go with everything in your new wardrobe. They keep you warm they are versatile and give your outfit an edge. Ok, so if you want to go with the ladylike vibe, then a pair of stacked heel loafers would be more in order.

#8 A pair of leather gloves to keep your hands warm and which which look really sleek. Who needs fat hands? Leather gloves keep you warm without that added bulk.

#9 A knit top to stretch your wardrobe further. The classic every autumn and winter is the turtle neck. It looks elegant and keeps your neck warm. If your neck is short and you do look like a turtle in a turtle neck, then try a v-neck top but remember to wear scarves when you go out.
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Women Who Behave Badly

admin — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 16:11:12 +0000

Sisterhood! It’s such a loaded term for women. No two of us define it quite the same way. There has always been a particular rhetoric about women as sisters, but for some of us, the reality doesn’t always measure up. Our collective struggle against class and gender barriers are ties that theoretically bind; the word sister itself has become synonymous with woman. Yet women from every socioeconomic group still report that the search for true sisterhood is at times clouded with confusion-if not straight-up pain. At times, women’s relationships with one another have often been fraught with tension. Truth is, sometimes we are our own worst enemy…. Whatever happened to lifting each other as we climb?”

Sociologists point out that each of our lives leaves an imprint on our collective sisterhood; how we treat one another has a ripple effect that extends far beyond the women directly affected. Perhaps you don’t have a tattoo of boxing gloves, but ask yourself: Have you ever looked another woman up and down? Have you ever laughed about another woman behind her back? Spilled her secrets? Have you ever flirted with another woman’s husband? Have you ever had a silent thought, even for a split second, wishing failure on another woman at the job? Be honest!

The fact is, to varying degrees, most of us are guilty of being less than sisterly at some point in our lives. As women we must agree that our struggle to love ourselves is at the crux of our issues with one another. “At the core of being able to be a sister, of being someone who can be relied upon for unconditional love and support, is being able to love yourself. What I have learned thru various relationships with women from all walks of life is that “Intrinsic to sisterhood is self-love, self-esteem, and understanding and accepting who you are.

Say Goodbye to Dieting – Tip#2 of 50 – How to Be a Curvy and Confident Woman at Any Size

admin — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 06:33:19 +0000

Are you a plus size woman struggling with excess weight, tired of feeling ashamed and hating your body, desperate to stop dieting, but don’t know how? I’ll bet, like me, you’ve convinced yourself that you can’t trust yourself around a fridge or pantry filled with fattening foods. Maybe you’re keeping the goodies you love at arm’s distance or heaven forbid, avoiding them completely. The problem with that strategy is that you always end up wanting what you think you can’t have and when push comes to shove, at some point your cravings will get you by the nose and you’ll end up binging on those foods that you tried so desperately to avoid. Don’t beat up on yourself. The problem has nothing to do with lack of will power or discipline. The real challenge is that as long as you think of certain foods as off limits or restricted, you’ll end up craving them like mad and eventually overeat them as soon as you can get your hands on them. And naturally that will only feed your frustration to feed, and you’ll end up gaining more weight and hating your body. It’s a vicious cycle that gets reinforced by dieting. In order to break the cycle, you have to say goodbye to deprivation and restriction and learn how to make peace with food, once and for all. No more dieting.

As a curvy, plus size woman myself, having a pair thighs I’ve long despised; I struggled for years with nasty body bashing “I hate my fat thighs” thoughts, and decades of food and weight obsession, trying desperately to diet or exercise away my thighs. But no matter how much weight I lost, I was never happy with my body or felt safe around food. I was able to maintain my weight off for nearly 6 years but it was a constant struggle that included overexercising, undereating and of course lots of binging.

Then in August of 2006, I threw caution to the wind and made the decision to stop dieting. That’s when I learned that as long as you continue to diet, and restrict your food, watch your weight, scale surf, body bash, avoid the foods you love, you’ll never have what you want-peace and self acceptance. That’s because dieting reinforces negative thinking that keeps us looking at things as black or white, good or bad, all or nothing. With a belief system geared for perfectionism, food is more like a danger zone filled with traps, zingers and mine fields everywhere you look.

Say Goodbye to Dieting: Self Acceptance Begins with Making Peace with Food

Now most weight loss experts are saying – “stop dieting.” Emotional eating, or eating to soothe your feelings is very common. This is because your cravings are actually unmet emotional needs that surface when you’re feeling overwhelmed. In fact emotional eating accounts for the near 98% failure rate of dieting. In April 2008, Traci Mann, Associate Professor of Psychology at UCLA shared the results of a composite study of 31 different long term studies analyzing people who lost weight on diets and opted to have their progress tracked by the study for between 2-5 years. As lead author of the study, she says, “We found that the majority of people regained the weight, plus more. Sustained weight loss was found only in a small minority of participants while complete weight regain was found in the majority. Diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people.” When asked what alternative is best to consider in lieu of dieting, Mann said, “Eating in moderation is a good idea for everybody, and so is regular exercise.

Here are 6 quick tips to get you moving along the road to non dieting and self acceptance:

1. Toss out your diet books Get rid of all your old diet manuals, calorie charts and all diet related magazine articles promising a quick fix weight loss.

2. Throw out or put away your scale Begin to break the cycle of weight and food obsession by realizing that you are so much more than a number. Besides don’t let that old hunk of scrap metal tell you how you’re entitled to feel that day. That’s giving away your power.

3. Get support Surround yourself with a circle of supportive like minded women who are also on the road to non dieting and ending their weight and food obsession.

4. Plan a lovin’ the skin you’re in movie night Rent a film showing women who are comfortable in their bodies at any size. Some of my favorites are: Phat Girlz, Queen Sized, Real Women Have Curves, Hairspray, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

5. Focus on function Stop resenting your chunky legs, bulging midriff and untoned arms. Be thankful for what it has given you the ability to do, not how it looks.

6. Learn how to become an intuitive eater Stop dieting. If you don’t love it, don’t eat it! Stop eating at the first sign of satisfaction.

Now that you’ve got all this new information under your belt, the next step is yours. What will you do? Are you ready to say goodbye to dieting?