The abundance of single moms in our country means there are a lot of our exes out there, and they eventually end up in a new relationship. To this new woman you are the ex and who knows your ex better than you do, right?

It made me wonder what I’m really getting into when I date a single dad. He has an ex that either he left or left him. He’s been through a breakup/divorce, pays child support, etc. and has to maintain some kind of relationship with the mother of his kids. What is that like and what does it say about him? It’s worth more consideration than I think most of us give it, myself included.

As we know there are always two sides to every story and you’ve probably heard your new man’s, but what about his ex’s? If you know your ex better than anyone, wouldn’t that also mean that his ex knows him better than you? What do you think your ex tells the new woman in his life? You know we can’t all be Bitter Bitches!

If you’re dating or in a relationship with a single dad, or any man that has an ex (and we hope he does have some experience) then of course we want to take him for his word about his past and be supportive. However, as an ex and single mom ourselves, we do have some insight into his exes world – and she into ours.

It is highly possible your new man made mistakes in his past relationships, but I’d want to know if; 1) he can take responsibility for them instead of blaming others, 2) has he learned from his experiences, and 3) he is willing to make changes to avoid making the same mistakes in his past.

I prefer to think of his ex as an ally rather than an enemy. She’s in the sisterhood of single moms and exes and if she’s already been there and done that with my new man, we may have a lot in common.

It’s too bad so many women try to sabotage rather than support each other. If your man casts a negative light on his ex, try pointing out her side as you can relate to it with your own experiences with your ex. It would certainly be more productive than just taking his word and forming opinions based on only one side of the story. If we can help him find compassion for his ex by what we bring into the relationship as exes ourselves, then we’d all be better off. Pay it forward!